Disagreeing Well

Harvard debater Bo Seo writes about productive differences of opinion.

From left, Megan Moten, Caress Russell, and Keisha Coleman practice debate, and civil discourse, at Wiley College.

Photograph by Donna McWilliam/Associated Press Images

In a contentious, polarized era, how does one make room for generous listening and civic discourse? Bo Seo ’17, J.D. ’24, a champion debater and former coach for the Harvard College Debating Union, points to a path forward in his memoir-cum-guidebook, Good Arguments: How Debate Teaches Us to Listen and Be Heard (Penguin Press, $28). From the introduction:

This book, the sum of a short lifetime’s reflection, is about two forms of debate.

One is competitive debate, a formal game in which rival sides argue their case on an assigned topic before an impartial adjudicator. The origins of this contest stretch back to antiquity—to ancient Greek rhetorical education, to early Buddhist religious practice—and its evolution is intertwined with the development of parliamentary democracy. Today, competitive debate thrives in high schools and universities across the world and counts a disproportionate number of former presidents and prime ministers, Supreme Court justices, captains of industry, prize-winning journalists, prominent artists, and civil society leaders as alums. The activity is dead easy but impossible to master. For this reason, it makes room for children and presidential candidates. (What does this say about each?)

The other form of debate is the everyday disagreements we encounter in our lives. Few people join a debate team but everyone argues, in some form, most days. Since we disagree not only about the way things ought to be but also about the way things are, the mere act of perceiving can spark conflict. In the resulting arguments, we seek to convince others, find solutions, test our beliefs, and defend our pride. We judge, correctly, that our personal, professional, and political interests rest on our ability not only to win these arguments but to prevail in the right way.

My argument is that competitive debate can teach us how to disagree better in our everyday lives. Disagreeing well can mean many things—getting one’s way, reducing future conflict, preserving the relationship with one’s opponent—and this book will have something to say about each of these. However, I define the aim in more modest terms: we should disagree in such a way that the outcome of having the disagreement is better than not having it at all.

You might also like

Open Book: A New Nuclear Age

Harvard historian Serhii Plokhy’s latest book looks at the rising danger of a new arms race.

Novelist Lev Grossman on Why Fantasy Isn’t About Escapism

The Magicians author discusses his influences, from Harvard to King Arthur to Tolkien.

For Campus Speech, Civility is a Cultural Practice

A former Harvard College dean reviews Princeton President Christopher Eisgruber’s book Terms of Respect.

Most popular

Why Men Are Falling Behind in Education, Employment, and Health

Can new approaches to education address a growing gender gap?

Sign of the Times: Harvard Quarterback Jaden Craig Will Play for TCU

Out of eligibility for the Crimson, the star entered the transfer portal.  

Explore More From Current Issue

Two bare-knuckle boxers fight in a ring, surrounded by onlookers in 19th-century attire.

England’s First Sports Megastar

A collection of illustrations capture a boxer’s triumphant moment. 

A bald man in a black shirt with two book covers beside him, one titled "The Magicians" and the other "The Bright Sword."

Novelist Lev Grossman on Why Fantasy Isn’t About Escapism

The Magicians author discusses his influences, from Harvard to King Arthur to Tolkien.

Historic church steeple framed by bare tree branches against a clear sky.

Harvard’s Financial Challenges Lead to Difficult Choices

The University faces the consequences of the Trump administration—and its own bureaucracy